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Relationship Fighting — How to Survive

Being Single Used to Be More Detrimental to One’s Health

In the past, studies have often found that being single was far more detrimental to one’s health than being in a relationship and living with a companion. However, recent studies have shed light on the reality that being in a negative relationship, or hiding from conflict with one’s partner can both exert a deadly outcome on each member. First, we will review the study that focused on negative relationships and their affect on one’s heart health.

In the study Negative Aspects of Close Relationships and Heart Disease (published in the Archives of Internal Medicine), scientists followed over 9,000 British civil servants, most of them married, others as living companions, for 12 years.

Troubled Relationships Are Dangerous

The results showed that for those involved in troubled relationships, 34% were more likely to have heart attacks or other cardiac disorders as opposed to those in positive relationships. While the scientists, (from the prestigious University College in London), believe that stress from relationship problems is the culprit in the development of elevated levels of stress hormones and low-level inflammation of the arteries; they are still waiting follow-up testing to confirm their suspicions.  

The next study examined quality of relationships from the standpoint of communication between the partners. While there are many theories about how to make a relationship work, researchers at the University of Michigan have come up with dramatic new findings on this issue.   

A Good Fight May Save Your Life

The scientists report that a good fight may literally save your life. This is because their medical study has shown that couples who avoid confrontations and suppress their anger die faster, and in much greater numbers, than those who push through and resolve their differences.

In the study called Marital Pair Anger Coping Types May Act as an Entity to Affect Mortality (published in the Journal of Family Communication), lead researcher Ernest Harburg and his team followed 192 couples over 17 years. The team categorized the couples as: those where both members expressed their anger; those where the husband expressed anger; where the wife expressed anger; and where both partners suppressed their anger.

And the results turned out quite startling. For those in the last group, where both suppressed their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, early death was double the rate as the other groups!

Suppressed Anger is a Killer

Out of the 192 pairs that were tracked, there were 26 couples where both members suppressed their anger and in 13 of these couples, there was one death among of them during the study! That’s 50%!

This group, where both partners suppressed their anger, further breaks down statistically in this way: 27% had one member die during the study, while 23% had the death of both members. To show the vast difference from the other three groups, only 19% had one member die, while in 6% both partners died.

Finding Solutions is the Key

While the team of researchers was initially searching for information about heart disease, the lesson learned here is far more profound. First is this truth: a successful marriage cannot be achieved by those who are ignorant about resolving conflicts. Partners in marriage have the basic job of finding solutions to their conflicts and reconciling with each other.

Second, if one or both partners bury their anger, or silently brood over it, they will consciously or subconsciously resent their partner, and they will do serious damage to their health and happiness.

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Sources: Negative Aspects of Close Relationships and Heart Disease Archives of Internal Medicine 2007 Vol.167 No.18: Pages 1951-1957 Marital Pair Anger Coping Types May Act as an Entity to Affect Mortality Journal of Family Communication January 2008

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